Because No One Really Cares.

I didnt ecpect everyone would celbrate with me or wished me.

I dont really care about it.

but when the people who are I am very closed too, and they are important in my life as I thought I were 'important' to them as well just ignore the existance of me. 

Well thats hurt me alot.

Ya even if I dont have any big party or fancy celebration but if even just one person come to my door with a piece of cake or even just come to give me a hug and wish me I would make me happy.

I just dont want to be alone, especially not yesterday. 

my family dont really care about my birthday. so if those few people who closed to me just keep throwing the fault on each of them what could I say more?

Ohh she didnt come?

He didnt do anyhting ke?

Laa kenapa kat rumah?

Okay all this question, really I dont have any the answers.

Because yes, people asking about others. why they didnt do anything, but then you are that person who are important to me too, but you putting the blame to someone else.

When I was in Penang, everyone says, I wish you were near so we can celebrate together, but when Im here, no one really cares.

yes, maybe I sound Childish and demanding.

but I just feel its my day, and never once anyone care, its either, Im too far, they are not free, or just no one give a damn.

So its really hurting me, truly indeed. I feel torn apart.

Because, the truth hurt.

No one care

FINAL

For the first time, I'll be having my Final as a Human Resources Management student. Truth to be told, I have never been this unprepared. During my Dip I was always ahead of the game, but right here and now, because a lot, I really mean A LOOOOTSSS of problem coming in, I took my time to stand back up on my feet again.  So much, I wish  could just scream it out right now.

Anyhow, with this much time left, I pray and pray I could still do it. Still manage it. I want to show them, no matter how much they break me apart, I'm better than they thought. I am not just a Hotel Faculty student who have nothing to bring it. Well guess what, BRING IT ON. Also I want to show to that special someone, I know maybe I not good enough for her or her family but I am trying my very best on my own feet. So don't judge me. I was trying and there you go again criticizing and hurt me inside out. I am really sorry if I really take anything at all from you. I just wished I could talk about what really happen, so maybe you can just stop judging, cause it hurt so bad. It bring me down sometime cause your words are harsh. I know your are a successful women, and I'm just trying to start living. But please, find out the truth first, I know maybe you don't care. But I do. I listened enough. And when you decided to put the blame on me, if something when wrong with him, it so unfair to me. (lets just stop here cause it starts to feel hurt again cause i just wished i could tell him everything happened right now). Maybe just maybe one day, if gods will, you will stop hating me.

So for now, Gambateh Nadiah, haters going to hate.
 I'll be having 6 Papers. Gosh 6 killer papers. And, even the exam schedule are pack, making it so hard  for me to breathe. Hope I can go through this ALIVE. : D

1. Human Resources (5 Jan 2014, Sunday)
2. International Business (6 Jan 2014, Monday)
3. Financial Management (10 Jan 2014, Friday)
4. Business Law (13 Jan 2014, Monday)
5. Information in Business Technology (15 Jan 2014, Wednesday)
6. Operation Management (16 Jan 2014,Thursday)

WISH ME LUCK!!!!!!!! 

GONATSIEST

2014

Assalamualaikum, n hey.
ya its been so long ago since my last post.
Before anything, HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE.
Time does flies. pejam celik pejam celik da 2014. Its was a quick one for me 2013, indeed it was.

What I did back then was, I work in an office as an HR&ACC assistant, well i gain alot of experience back then, so much goods and bad ones. And later in 2013, I get my degree call.
Well, guess what I've change my course. Yup, I put my passion behind. I put cooking and food behind for now. But never does the feeling and the urge to be back in the kitchen fade not even once. And until now, I missed the hectic, the heat, the Awsomeness, all the surprise and knowledge I could gain there. Its my heart and soul. Not even a second I've doubted that, I love learning about food, I could just go on and on. Maybe one day just one day I could till have my Bachelor in Science Culinary Arts. Its still my dreams.

As for now, and two more years to go, I just have to finished what I've started. BACHELOR IN HUMAN RESOURCES MANAGEMENT. I always love learning, and reading, I know I had tried hard, but sometime it feels I did not try hard enough. Maybe because it is not 100% of my passion here. I do read and study but the sparks and the adrenaline is just not there anyhow. Worst come to worst I still need to finish my journey. I'm pushing my self, and it quite hurting deep down inside, cause well Damn I miss Culinary.
*SIGH* Watching my ex course mate still pursuing in that make me so envy at times. But this is the routes I have choose. I prayed I can still do this at my level best, maybe not like last time, but maybe just around there, or maybe if I can be daring enough, maybe I could go further and be better.

The different between this course is too vary, one is about food and one more is to manage human. I'm still learning on how to manage the ridiculously ridiculous human behavior here.
Truth to be told, here in Melacca through out the semester, it has been a hell of the ride.
My campus is only a 16th floor building. It not even can be call a campus, we are here in the middle of the city. So many challenges have to be face, the transportation problem, place to stay, high living cost, even crime level here is high. Its scared the hell out of me, and even till now its does.
Also in term of finding new friends, practically hard, as everyone else stuck with their old batch mate, and I'm the new one from hotel faculty.

So basically, I'm on my own.  Hmm mentioning about friends here, just making it hurt somehow, even to trust anyone here are quiet impossible. There a lot I've learned through Diploma, but never once I experienced this kind of attitude. Here I did. So many, hurtful and unforgivable people I've met. Their attitude are just unacceptable. I try to be nice and keep on giving and I was stabbed not in the back but right in front. Believe me, it very hard to make me to hate people, almost impossible but they successfully just did it. It broke me apart completely, and I cried for days, fell sick because I cant believe there are such peoples. And that I've learned here. I forgive, but never forget. Maybe u can break me cause I'm all alone here,and maybe taking advantage are your best strength but there's Allah. What goes around comes back around.

Maybe the only friends I really can be comfortable I think with my committee member when we organizing all the project and event together. Ya I forget to mention, I was choose by my lecturer for an interview to be a committee member of the HR SOCIETY and guess what I pass somehow and become one of their Exco. Never once I thought I going to made through my studies and even get in as Exco member yet I did.
In few more weeks I'll finishing this semester. I just hope I pass with flying colours.

Almost at the end of my journey..

Assalamualaikum ..
It's been almost a week I'm back in Penang..
All d drama, backstabbing, being used over and over again sometime just drain the nice self of me here.
Sometime being nice is suck cause you feeling it hurting you deep inside a lot, but yet you feels it so wrong to hurt other feeling the way they did to you cause for you it's wrong that way..
It's jus making me tired somehow lately..
Well, I love living in Penang where I can just live on my own and stuff but the emptiness, just creeping slowly and get to me at the end of the days.
I miss a true companion.
Who will always be there for me, who are true to me no matter what.
I learned a lot here the meaning of life and friendship
And there's only a few that I know I can count my life onto them cause they are true to me in every way there is..
I love them, and even though they always far from me, they always give me strength even when I thought of them.
They been guiding me through the darkest and the loneliness that haunt me all along.
They are, a friend, a family, and everything I could ever ask.
Thanks guys, this shout out goes to, Kathleen Fernandez,  Zai Zeffery, Nasuha Suboh, Marcus Philip Paul, Muhammad Afiq, Wardah Sakinah, Atiyah Najihah, Sharifah Najwa.
You guys are just the best, love you guys a lot and thank you cz always be there for me and be my sunshine that just light up my small world..

Tomorrow, in going to have my last final exam.. Which is my practical test basically.
I've done my theory and send my report. Well it's going to be my last straw. 
I hope I gonna do my best, I will try my best.
Keep praying,praying,praying!

Lol,
Laviah

Exhausted!

Assalamualaikum W.B.T

Happy Saturday's!
I bet you guys going to have an awesome weekend right.
I am soooooo jealous right now, cause Im going to have the busiest weekend ever..
not that I never have a busy weekend, but this time I really feel that time envy me alot.
I running out of time this whole week, trying to catching it up is very exhausted.

On Tuesday I had an interview for my new job as an Assistant in Admin and Account Department, in Atlanta Resources Sdn Bhd. Its and construction, engineering and interior design firm.
I actually a bit reluctant at first to go, cause I am not sure am I capable enough to carry such a position.
This is because, I am basically a Culinary Art student graduate, (after nex week my final yes, Im done with my diploma) and to have an interview that is not at all based on my academic qualification is terrifying.
Yes indeed, I did have some experience on working on tender and paper works but that is it.
Nothing more than that. But my mom insist me to try. So yeah, I did go to the interview and I was very unprepared. I really forget everything, I just grab the resume I had in my file and all my certificates in the morning of the interview day. I should have been at least been prepared just a bit. But I did not.
Then there we go, all the butterflies in the stomach feeling and nervousness.

...................................................INTERVIEW...........................................................

Alhamdullilah, the interview went quite fine. My boss name was Mr. Mosum, he is a mixed of sri lanka and arab. He was nice, and he want to give me the chance to work there. He said I look confident (when the fact is i was really faking it) and he willing to give me the shot even I am actually from a different field.
I think he believe I can do it when I know what he was saying when he ask me about tender and account and things regarding paper works. Well i do not know much, but I surely did a few so I roughly had the idea though. Well, my semester break never really fill in with holidays and enjoyment, it has been always work to get my pocket money and for my education. It is not easy being an Independent child but sometime it worth it cause when time like this, experience it all I need. I did come clean to him, that I wouldn't know everything, but if there a chance to learn, I will learn it. That who I am, if there a room of improvement Im willing to learned.

Okayh, let get to why I am exhausted. This is because the next day it self, Mr. Mosum ask me to come to work for 3 days. (Wednesday to Friday). I was a bit shock cause for the record, my schedule for this week is very pack but then he wanted my help for this tender that need to be submitted on Friday and also he want to see how well I can work. So there it goes, my schedule become really TIGHT!!!

I worked from 8 a.m to 11 pm for the straight 3 days, and my works involved a lot of thinking and stress. I had to start typing letters for bidding, letters of acceptance (it reminds me of LAW so much), and photostatting tender, calculating and fill in the tenders. And the worst part is, in between of all the works, I have to do my report. My brain was really EXHAUSTED. I didnt even have time to eat those 3 days.
For today, I did have my time, but then I have to do my report again. SIGH..

Worst come to worst, is  tomorrow I had to go TGI Fridays to work.. :( cause my name is in the schedule.
this making me feeling so sick. cause im just to exhausted. I feel like Im working my self way to much.. I really need a break though..

15.03.13

Assalamualaikum...

Its 15 Mac 2013, well how times flies..
today date means a lot, well at least to me..
so just wanna make a shout out to YOU,
H2Y5MA love...

iloveyouforeverandalways, zai zeffery b zainudin.

hope things get better....

its been a rough one..

Hey guys..
I've been avoiding blogging  for months now..
First, maybe its because of my internship, or maybe im just not ready to share evrything here yet..
well now Im back..

Its been rough month ending of 2012 and also a bad start early of 2013..
Well with my internship,it  is harsh sometime cause its so busy and i barely has time to rest or eat, and my health is way out of care.
Well, I just want to finish my diploma for now and forget everything what hurts and how hard the journey was and how much I learned through out years in Penang about life and Friendship. Just people who really close to me might understand the meaning i meant here..
For now I just have to finish my report (which i didnt even started yet, even how hard i tried).
I need to give all I can cause I know this is the last push for me before end of my diploma.
My last effort which will determine I succeed or not.

And then come emotional breakdown which I am having for 2 months now..
Im barely hanging on right now..
Family matters, Relationship..
Sometimes it just drive me mad.. Im not complaining though..
I just wish things going to get better again..
First of all its not us to keep our distance so long like this, its just not us. I've missed you, alot.
Maybe it nothing to other bare eyes, but they don't know how hard it been on us recently..
Its so hard to pretend anymore..
I just pray things gonna get better again, cause I'm tired to handle everything right now.
I need you sometimes..

Hmm, well I really need to start on my report next week..
I know I can do it if I really put my heart and mind to it..
I just need a boost to do it now.. I cant do it at home cause all the drama making me mad, but i just need to find a way and place to get things started..
I hope I can.. Well I must!

I remember your word dear, you said you want to see your girl wearing the same pink selendang on my convocation like you did.. I'm trying.. You know all this while I study hard, and you too study hard at the same time..
We are nerds in the way we are, so I always try my best to get ANC.
So my parents, and you will be proud with me..
and i wouldn't be so embarrassed to stand side by side with you, cause I know I made it as you did.

miss this moment when can just smile and loved.

RESULT!

Asslamualaikum!

Today my result came out, and truth to be told, until last night, i have no freaking idea about this.
And after I found out, i was terrified. I was so scared until it just bother me ALOT. cause I have never been so clueless about result matter, and this is the first time, Im so careless, because there are so much thins going on and on!

and after i've checked my result today, there is only one word,

ALHAMDULILLAH!!!!!!!!!!

 

 

Im feeling so grateful today :)

Ive got what I targeted atlast for this past two years. Ive been promising my self to reward my self a  watch if I get this ponter. (I only buy my wish list for my self as a reward if I achieved my targets, if not until then it will be only a dream) And finally I did! YEAY, for me :D Nothing, gives more satisfaction if you reward yourself after how hard you work for it. and thats how i roll!!

 

Also, he told me, in the earlier semester that his mom, ask if I can improved my pointer to this, and yes Ive tried so hard, and I did. I just relieved i can fulfill this one as well as a bonus for me..

And, i wont be avoiding you for weeks, to feel afraid and embarassed with my result with you sayang. :)

 

 

Thank you, ALLAH .

Short breaks with lots of Love

Im had my 9 days short semester break last weeks, and having some special moment to be remembered..
Its been quiete sometime we didnt have a proper weekends and dates as a couple.
Well its our TWO YEARS ANNI, and of course we wanted to make it special.
:)
So, its been a worderful short beautiful escape for US.
Thanks Sayang, how can i thanked you more ...

and after all that fun we had, he's back to his schedule. And sadly, this month will be the busiest moment he will ever had. I going to miss you, ALOT :'(
Text, calls, chats? sadly, we not going to have that for now, cause his that kind of guys, when he comitted to something in this case, studying, nothing gets in his way, okeyh. He just my nerdy boyfriend, Zai Zeffery it is.

So, i'll have to start counting the days again then, until I hear from him and to be together again..

T.T actually, its soooOOOOOO HARD. But then, 
Absence makes Heart grow Fonder.

FINAL? REALLY FINAL?

Assalamualaikum w.b.t

Hiya guys,
Im gonna start having my final tomorrow!

yea, I mean it
Im having for papers this semester.
4 BLOODY paper that going to make a crack on my head.
this is my final struggle as this is the last final academic semester I'll have before i graduated next year.
Well, im going to have another semester, but that last semester will only cost me ENERGY and 100%SANITY level so I'll be still me after i finish my internship practical.

But, what all counts is starting tomorrow.
I will have to try my best, no matter what, for all my papers this semester.
Im terrified to death this time, cause all this while Im well prepared, but this time Im a little unprepared cause of so many final prject and other workloads that making me careless and lack motivation to study like I used to.
Still, I hope whatever effort I have made this few weeks will grant my wish come true.
I just badly want to maintain my Pointer, thats all Ive been praying for, nothing more than that.
So. that I can achive what I come here for and also
Im hoping to get my ANC, so i can gratefully stand by 'you' without ashamed, and proved as well, love doesnt actually brings US down.
Hmm, its even harder to maintain when the Final papers Im going to sit this upcoming weeks is not the littlest I can even say EASY PEASY.
Even so, I'll promised to my self, I try my really best to get through this one..
Please, pray for me..........
And, do wish me luck....


My final paper time table :

Fundamental of Entrepreneurship -
1 October 2012, Monday (1415 - 1615)

Principles of Economics - 
7 October 2012 , Sunday (0900 - 1200)

Legal Food Aspect in Food Service -
12 October 2012, Friday (1445 - 1745)

Catering System Management -
16 October 2012, Tuesday ( 0900 - 1200)

Assalamualaikum..
I was thinking of privating my blog before I actually post this.
But still I didnt.
Its just this thing Im going to write is private part of my life which i just didnt want the whole world to know.
but then Ive been thinking Its not like everyone know the existence of my blog and reading it anyways.
So I think Im going to ignored my intention and just carry on typing.

Hmmmmmm, I just need to let it out somehow.
cause it is hurting me so badly and i could not keep it all alone.
Iwanted to talk to someone, or just to hug someone to tell me everything is allright.
My boyfriend is so hard to even get through and i needen him so much this three days his not around, and my best friend kinda busy.
So who else understand my situation better than them.
Sometimes it sting when you see how happy are them, when you are crying your heart out silently in the dark.
Im happy to see their smile, but I just wish they can see how I needed them so bad here, just companion and calls would be fine.
Im feeling so alone and hopeless somehow.
Im strong, but Iam not always. people should start realized that.

First day of Raya 2012, is the worst I ever been this whole 20 years of my life.
My Parents just ruined it. I dont know to blame them or not,but they just need to grow up.
I cant keep seeing them like this, Im exhausted seeing and beeing in this drama over and over again.
I just wanted to shout STOPPED!!!, just please stopped.
Im terribly hurt by these thing and I just feel like running away. Far away from here, when i can just start a new life and I just can stopped thinking of my family, friends or even my resposibilty.
Im tired of the feeling of being obligated to everything around me.
Its to heavy for me to lift the responsiblity anymore, I just want to feel happy and free for once in my life.
Just not to think of anything, just me for once.

If Im being that selfish, I would go to the bus station and buy ticket to penang right now.
There nothing to look forward anymore here, I mean nothing.
I have so much works to do there, than being miserable and sad here.
Maybe people will judge me for being so pessimistic in this time of festive season.

But my advice is, come and be in my place, see how can you handle them. People just love to judge, but they dont even know a thing. Its so unlike me to  blog or tweets my feeling, but for now twitter is safe fo r me as its very private account of mine and I approve only people I really want. And my blog, theres not much people knowing it existence. So if I really need shout out I'll do it here, so read it at your own willingness and judge all you want.

Happiness Lingers Around.

Hahahaha :D
Yup, today i just feel so HAPPY :)

Well, its been 2 month since I got to meet you, Sayang.
And atlast, I did. Besides, we had a very good time together after sooooooooooo LOOOOONG, right?

Today, I had my break-fasting, at my boyfriend favourite place, called RAKUZEN.
 Its been, last two years since we had this chance to break fast together, and to do this again? Seriously, of cause Im excited like a KID.
Whateva you called me tadi, Im fine with it la Sayang. Hahaha, cause im just extremly ESTATIC!
Its a new place for me though, cause usually, I'll eat somewhere else for Japanese food.
So its kinda a new experience, the ambience it not bad, its cool in a way, but I miss the enviroment in Grand Dorsett, Japanese Restaurant. Its had awesome ambience, and I do miss my Japanese Chef.

Anyway, we both had great fun and IM SO HAPPY.
Well, we've been so much through hard times lately, and Im just so happy when we can just put all those behind and still enjoying every moment we can spend with each other. BELIVE ME, its not even easy to see him. So, of cause I MISS HIM TERRIBLY!
Just to get spend time with him today is such a bless, Praise to Allah, cause gives us this chance.
Thanks, to you as well, cause tried you really best to make my wish come true. :)
ILOVEYOU.

Im so thankful, yet still feel guilty that he had to lie just to see me.
I hate that when he need to do this over and over again. I will just keep praying, until the day when we can just stop this hide and seek. I want our relationship to be bless, so I will wait until the day we can get the 'green light' okay.
Till then, we just had to stay strong like we always did.
And do wait for me, I'll try my real BEST to get a good pointer  or atleast maintain it this semester and for my upcoming semester which be my last. Its not easy though as this semester, is really I mean REALLY TOUGH. all the hardest subject they put in this semester, and yhe workloads, oh gosh,
IM EXHAUSTED. Nevertheless I will try okay,  and if Allah Willing, I will try to get the pointer your mom ask me too. Im not sure wether I can or I cant. But damn sure, I'll work my ass out.
So, if everything turn out good, as you wish I will be near to you, as you always wanted and so do I.
So, keep praying that my degree will be in UiTM Shah Alam.  Amin.

Assalamualaikum, peeps.

Me and You Against The World. <3 br="br">

this is my song.. now.

keep my eyes eyes open.

KEEP YOUR EYES OPEN.

Assalamualaikum. w.b.t

Salam Ramadhan even its kinda of late for me to wish to you guys.

Well Im back in Penang now, ==' sigh.
Its harder for me to go through each day here this semester. Much more harder than i expected.
Im still survivng though, just most of the time i feel like giving up.
Its just to dark and lonely here for me.
And so many test has been given to me by HIM.
Monetarily, Accident, Hurt, Stress, Sickness that never ends, harder subject to study this semester, and as well my relationship sometimes seems being hit by hard waves few times.

I almost giving up, and just want to give in and just drown with the waves cause Im so tired swimming. Its consumed my strength alot. But, I know I cant. I need to move on.

Hmm, so here I am, still standing strong. Im 20 now, just a couple days older, it didnt start well at all.
Im being bashed on my birthday by the persons who I loved and Adore soo much, so bad, till I cried ALOT that day. As I said earlier, its a bad start for me. I hope, it didnt turn out that way. I wish thing had been better, but I also know thing happened. And like you say Sayang, 'Things happened for a reason' I know. Its hurt and sting me alot, but I already forgive you, and I dont want to fight anymore. Im so exhausted for now. All I need a little bit of happiness, and loved just to move on my life over here. Not much I asked from you. Your words even, its not been forgotten 100% but I never had hold grudge to you and already forgive you from the start. I know part of it, there also my fault.

Besides all that happen, there my saviour, saving me from all this HELL. Thank You, to my dearest, BFF, KATHLEEN FERNANDEZ, to post your self to me, as my birthday present. Only your presence that day, make me sane enough to not do something out of my mind. Thanks for giving me the reason Im still stnading strong till now. I love you, and I love our Friendship so much. Its been, 15 YEARS of OUR FRIENDSHIP, and it still strong as ever. :")


Through all the thick and thin i have been through, theres this few persons that never give up on me, and always listen to all bullshit from me, cheer me up, and love me for WHO I AM. And for that, this shout out are for you!! THANK YOU GUYS, AND I LOVE YOU SOO MUCHHHH!!! <3 p="p">
1. Kathleen Fernandez
2. Zai Zeffery B Zainudin
3. Nasuha Suboh
4. Wardah Sakinah Bt Ridzwan
5. Muhammad Afiq

A song for myself now..

Life is hard, I just had to move on. I need to be strong again.. I need to go away from the pain.. I dont want it to get to me again cause it hurt bad. I just want to go away..  Anywhere I'll go, my heart still bleeding inside. I wish someone could understand. But for now, i just want to prepare to Breakaway again like I used to. I need to go, cause its hurting me alot. And i dont belong here.. Pokerfacing will be my best speciality again..

BREAKAWAY.

Trying hard to reach out
But when I tried to speak out
Felt like no one could hear me
Wanted to belong here
But something felt so wrong here
So I'd pray
I could break away

I'll spread my wings and I'll learn how to fly.
I'll do what it takes till I touch the sky.
Make a wish, take a chance,
Make a change, and break away.
Out of the darkness and into the sun.
But I won't forget all the ones that I love.
I'll take a risk, take a chance,
Make a change, and break away

if only things are like what it used to be.....

Everyday when im being alone especially at night, or at time like this, i meant when im just with my self alone i will missing u terribly.
I miss the time when i can just without fear, calling you or atleast message you.
I want to say that I miss you, I love you, Can i call you, I need You, like i used to without fear..
I miss when you just simply call me for just burning my time, and maybe company me when im feeling down and lonely at night. And im sure im going to miss you alot when im in Penang in two more weeks, where im going to be lonely and everyday alone by my self with totally differrent world to live.
Im, my self really are not ready to go Penang yet for now, with our condition. I just hope im strong enough to go through these there even if that mean, i have to be strong and go through whatever going to happen there without you. As early as the morning just started now, again the tears falling are because I MISS US very much Sayang, I really do..

*sigh*

assalamualaikum..

One of my friend telling me too,
 ' just kering kan ur heart, and dont expect for anything, or you would be hurt'

Well, its not easy for me, after i had been mend my heart for years.
 And yet again now i have to do it again after for once i thought it going to be ok..

I really dont know what to do. It feel hard, indeed it does.

I feel like i just dont want to go through this again, cause, i aint strong no more.

Sometimes the thought of living alone always re-appear in my mind.
Either way i had always been independent,  money wise and decision making wise.
Rarely there is occasion where I discuss it with my parents. Its been always me being independent.

Hmm, i feel thorn. Cause it not easy to pretend im happy when i am not.

Again its hard, when you decide to be alone, and there is time when you know no matter what you will find for the one person who can make you feel okay again.

I need you dear, but i cant.
I miss you, but i cant.

And  I really tired of all the drama. I just need a normal life.

I am tired..

And The Hardest Thing........

assalamualaikum..

Hi peeps..
been a long time i since my last post right?

haih, it seems, 2012 starting to be a really tough tough start for me..
there's been a lot test given from HIM to me, my family and my realtionship with people..

My Final in Penang turn out to be pretty bad, and its dissapointed me and make me fall down on my knee for quiete some time. I avoid all calls and messages from people after what happen. At first i am very frustrated and embarassed and scared with the result later. Deep inside, i am really pissed because of other people fault and other people incosideration had put me in this mess..
Until now, it still been a nightmare for me.. Ive tried to maintain my pointer and still trying to achive my target, but after what had happened.. Im unsure :(
Im sad because of this..
I still thinking about it, but then it is actually a lesson for me, cause i cant expect people to change. They sometimes just who they are, and we cant change that even if we want it bad.
Its just a mistake to expect people change for good, and it cost me BIG.

LESSON HERE :  -

 People not going to change if themselves dont want too

I have put my trust on the right person from now on.

Most of all, I must not to rely on others.

Then, after that, the TEST for my family.. Its STRUCK just out of nowhere. My dad, get a mild strock again. And our family, kind of unprepared..
As we are trying to be stable Monetarily suddenly it seems, we just had to forget it.
I thought of having a more smooth semester next Sem seem is not going to be that easy, after i have to quit my part time job unexpetedly and start to take care of my family for now..
 My family is struggling, and now I am not that strong as i had been before..
Well I know, my mom trying so hard, but also i know, she cant do alone, and she cant support everyone of us in the family, me and my sister all along had tried to support our self all this while.
I am just tired, thats all..
My sister is so far apart and just wish she was here, so i can actually rely on someone..
hmm, i wish everything going to be ok soon. I hope i still can find the money before next semester started so that i wont be so stress out, and worried.

Last but not least my relationship with others.. I mean.. hmmmmmmmmmmm.. this one is hard. Cause i had enough problem on my own. and i do not need anymore from others.
So it up to all of you. You want to care about me, thanks, you want to keep your life happy and safe without me. Fine, go ahead.
Well, im hurt, i know you guys are so busy and all, but sometime a message, call or just come and visit me sometime, is not going to cost that much isn't.
When you guys just keep saying you were busy, and yet i see you hanging out with other people and that shows how much time you had, if you just care about me just a bit..
I just need some strenght if that was too much to ask..
I know, i sound childish, but yet im hurt..

Special thanks, to Afiq, cause you have been great, to me. Even we are far, an i know u really busy, and even, its me who really hard to answer your message or call, you have always been there no matter what. You never ditch me, I'll really appriciated it.

And to you, Zai, i know its always been hard for us, but then you as well tried so hard.. I know. Just i prayed i hope things going to be much easier for us if can...
LOL. Thank for making me smile, even if its not going to br everyday. but of you helped me in different ways.

hmm..

im so sad :'(