Thursday, 12 January 2012


hmm, well as always..

hmm, im always with my books, and within a month i finish the whole twilight series.
so just now i decided to actually study, cause feeling like wasting my time on novels when i actually can study.
cause i realised how much i miss study, and push my brain to their limits.
i actually reading the economy book!
i admit i am really stupid in this subject.
i wanted to read law, but just i cant, cause its not my book, i need my own book, which i can highlight, scribble my own notes at the side, drawing some stupid symbols and etc.
thats, me when studying. but i cant do that on a someone else book.
so i give up on LAW and started to read ECON.
but then, here it goes.

FIGTHING. *sigh*

and there it goes, my mood blown away. puff~
just like that.
now releasing my tension as always also by listening to SIMPLE PLAN SONGS!

that why, i mostly dont like to be home.
yup as always.. hmm, what happen keep happening..

i dont know when it going to stop. keep having a fight at home make me feeling so miserable..
i meant i try to avoid it by working so hard, and stuck inside my room mostly.
but sometime, again i jus cant help it..

okeyh, i know most of the time, i'm pain in the ass. and also STUBBORN.
well im well aware of that..
but mom, dad, seriously, just dont push me too much..
im like a time bom. cause im so tired working, no time for myself, find some extra money, worriying about things. and some other stuff i need to settle..

i seriously need a break and fun time, which i never really have cause am really busy..

hmm, also nw feeling quiete lonely, even there no ONE really at home, ALWAYS..
so just dont expect me to be wobbly bubbly when u guys at home for that few hours of for some day.

i mean, IM TIRED TOO :(

im working as hard as you guys always did. u know it better kan?

Just im really upset now, i just wanted to  study tdi..
please :(

that all can give me a piece of serenity. i cant always have fun and whatsoeva,
so i decide to go for something i know can make me go to my comfort zone which is by studying.

yes, i dont really care about it when i was in high school. Last time i give up easily, im sick of fighting with u guys as always and do not study accordingly cause to stuck up with my emotion.

but i jus want to be better than i was,hmm, i just need to be stronger.
apart of it is my fault i knw.. but, sometimes i just hope my life is abit easier.

i never blame my parents for what we been through all this years of surviving. just i hope they understand. my teenage life all this while is not the same as others. thats why im different.

the way i think and my act is different. its been a hard and rough road for me.
i always need to think about finding way for getting some money, helping out my parents and so on.
work, work and work.

so i admit im exhausted, mom, dad, forgive me truly.

i will stand strong, i know i will, cause i know u need me too. just that i hope you undersatnd, apart of me just struggling to break free frm this hradship.

just that, i keep teeling myself it a test from HIM. "ALLAH takkan uji hambanya melebihi kemampuannya."
i stick to that quote always.
and i glad, i have such an understand boy friend and best friend. i owed a lot to you both.
cause, you guys help me through this alot, ZAI ZEFFERY and KATHLEEN FERNANDEZ.

hmm again, i need to calm down, and be stronger.

just ME. MYSELF AND I. can help also with the help from the both person that always give a little hope and strenght everytime im down.


p/s : the only things im really happy about nw is, this saturday im going to see SIMPLE PLAN WITH boyfieku tersayang.  :)