Tuesday, 21 August 2012

I was thinking of privating my blog before I actually post this.
But still I didnt.
Its just this thing Im going to write is private part of my life which i just didnt want the whole world to know.
but then Ive been thinking Its not like everyone know the existence of my blog and reading it anyways.
So I think Im going to ignored my intention and just carry on typing.

Hmmmmmm, I just need to let it out somehow.
cause it is hurting me so badly and i could not keep it all alone.
Iwanted to talk to someone, or just to hug someone to tell me everything is allright.
My boyfriend is so hard to even get through and i needen him so much this three days his not around, and my best friend kinda busy.
So who else understand my situation better than them.
Sometimes it sting when you see how happy are them, when you are crying your heart out silently in the dark.
Im happy to see their smile, but I just wish they can see how I needed them so bad here, just companion and calls would be fine.
Im feeling so alone and hopeless somehow.
Im strong, but Iam not always. people should start realized that.

First day of Raya 2012, is the worst I ever been this whole 20 years of my life.
My Parents just ruined it. I dont know to blame them or not,but they just need to grow up.
I cant keep seeing them like this, Im exhausted seeing and beeing in this drama over and over again.
I just wanted to shout STOPPED!!!, just please stopped.
Im terribly hurt by these thing and I just feel like running away. Far away from here, when i can just start a new life and I just can stopped thinking of my family, friends or even my resposibilty.
Im tired of the feeling of being obligated to everything around me.
Its to heavy for me to lift the responsiblity anymore, I just want to feel happy and free for once in my life.
Just not to think of anything, just me for once.

If Im being that selfish, I would go to the bus station and buy ticket to penang right now.
There nothing to look forward anymore here, I mean nothing.
I have so much works to do there, than being miserable and sad here.
Maybe people will judge me for being so pessimistic in this time of festive season.

But my advice is, come and be in my place, see how can you handle them. People just love to judge, but they dont even know a thing. Its so unlike me to  blog or tweets my feeling, but for now twitter is safe fo r me as its very private account of mine and I approve only people I really want. And my blog, theres not much people knowing it existence. So if I really need shout out I'll do it here, so read it at your own willingness and judge all you want.

Saturday, 18 August 2012

Happiness Lingers Around.

Hahahaha :D
Yup, today i just feel so HAPPY :)

Well, its been 2 month since I got to meet you, Sayang.
And atlast, I did. Besides, we had a very good time together after sooooooooooo LOOOOONG, right?

Today, I had my break-fasting, at my boyfriend favourite place, called RAKUZEN.
 Its been, last two years since we had this chance to break fast together, and to do this again? Seriously, of cause Im excited like a KID.
Whateva you called me tadi, Im fine with it la Sayang. Hahaha, cause im just extremly ESTATIC!
Its a new place for me though, cause usually, I'll eat somewhere else for Japanese food.
So its kinda a new experience, the ambience it not bad, its cool in a way, but I miss the enviroment in Grand Dorsett, Japanese Restaurant. Its had awesome ambience, and I do miss my Japanese Chef.

Anyway, we both had great fun and IM SO HAPPY.
Well, we've been so much through hard times lately, and Im just so happy when we can just put all those behind and still enjoying every moment we can spend with each other. BELIVE ME, its not even easy to see him. So, of cause I MISS HIM TERRIBLY!
Just to get spend time with him today is such a bless, Praise to Allah, cause gives us this chance.
Thanks, to you as well, cause tried you really best to make my wish come true. :)

Im so thankful, yet still feel guilty that he had to lie just to see me.
I hate that when he need to do this over and over again. I will just keep praying, until the day when we can just stop this hide and seek. I want our relationship to be bless, so I will wait until the day we can get the 'green light' okay.
Till then, we just had to stay strong like we always did.
And do wait for me, I'll try my real BEST to get a good pointer  or atleast maintain it this semester and for my upcoming semester which be my last. Its not easy though as this semester, is really I mean REALLY TOUGH. all the hardest subject they put in this semester, and yhe workloads, oh gosh,
IM EXHAUSTED. Nevertheless I will try okay,  and if Allah Willing, I will try to get the pointer your mom ask me too. Im not sure wether I can or I cant. But damn sure, I'll work my ass out.
So, if everything turn out good, as you wish I will be near to you, as you always wanted and so do I.
So, keep praying that my degree will be in UiTM Shah Alam.  Amin.

Assalamualaikum, peeps.

Me and You Against The World. <3 br="br">

Tuesday, 7 August 2012

this is my song.. now.

keep my eyes eyes open.


Assalamualaikum. w.b.t

Salam Ramadhan even its kinda of late for me to wish to you guys.

Well Im back in Penang now, ==' sigh.
Its harder for me to go through each day here this semester. Much more harder than i expected.
Im still survivng though, just most of the time i feel like giving up.
Its just to dark and lonely here for me.
And so many test has been given to me by HIM.
Monetarily, Accident, Hurt, Stress, Sickness that never ends, harder subject to study this semester, and as well my relationship sometimes seems being hit by hard waves few times.

I almost giving up, and just want to give in and just drown with the waves cause Im so tired swimming. Its consumed my strength alot. But, I know I cant. I need to move on.

Hmm, so here I am, still standing strong. Im 20 now, just a couple days older, it didnt start well at all.
Im being bashed on my birthday by the persons who I loved and Adore soo much, so bad, till I cried ALOT that day. As I said earlier, its a bad start for me. I hope, it didnt turn out that way. I wish thing had been better, but I also know thing happened. And like you say Sayang, 'Things happened for a reason' I know. Its hurt and sting me alot, but I already forgive you, and I dont want to fight anymore. Im so exhausted for now. All I need a little bit of happiness, and loved just to move on my life over here. Not much I asked from you. Your words even, its not been forgotten 100% but I never had hold grudge to you and already forgive you from the start. I know part of it, there also my fault.

Besides all that happen, there my saviour, saving me from all this HELL. Thank You, to my dearest, BFF, KATHLEEN FERNANDEZ, to post your self to me, as my birthday present. Only your presence that day, make me sane enough to not do something out of my mind. Thanks for giving me the reason Im still stnading strong till now. I love you, and I love our Friendship so much. Its been, 15 YEARS of OUR FRIENDSHIP, and it still strong as ever. :")

Through all the thick and thin i have been through, theres this few persons that never give up on me, and always listen to all bullshit from me, cheer me up, and love me for WHO I AM. And for that, this shout out are for you!! THANK YOU GUYS, AND I LOVE YOU SOO MUCHHHH!!! <3 p="p">
1. Kathleen Fernandez
2. Zai Zeffery B Zainudin
3. Nasuha Suboh
4. Wardah Sakinah Bt Ridzwan
5. Muhammad Afiq