Assalamualaikum..
I was thinking of privating my blog before I actually post this.
But still I didnt.
Its just this thing Im going to write is private part of my life which i just didnt want the whole world to know.
but then Ive been thinking Its not like everyone know the existence of my blog and reading it anyways.
So I think Im going to ignored my intention and just carry on typing.

Hmmmmmm, I just need to let it out somehow.
cause it is hurting me so badly and i could not keep it all alone.
Iwanted to talk to someone, or just to hug someone to tell me everything is allright.
My boyfriend is so hard to even get through and i needen him so much this three days his not around, and my best friend kinda busy.
So who else understand my situation better than them.
Sometimes it sting when you see how happy are them, when you are crying your heart out silently in the dark.
Im happy to see their smile, but I just wish they can see how I needed them so bad here, just companion and calls would be fine.
Im feeling so alone and hopeless somehow.
Im strong, but Iam not always. people should start realized that.

First day of Raya 2012, is the worst I ever been this whole 20 years of my life.
My Parents just ruined it. I dont know to blame them or not,but they just need to grow up.
I cant keep seeing them like this, Im exhausted seeing and beeing in this drama over and over again.
I just wanted to shout STOPPED!!!, just please stopped.
Im terribly hurt by these thing and I just feel like running away. Far away from here, when i can just start a new life and I just can stopped thinking of my family, friends or even my resposibilty.
Im tired of the feeling of being obligated to everything around me.
Its to heavy for me to lift the responsiblity anymore, I just want to feel happy and free for once in my life.
Just not to think of anything, just me for once.

If Im being that selfish, I would go to the bus station and buy ticket to penang right now.
There nothing to look forward anymore here, I mean nothing.
I have so much works to do there, than being miserable and sad here.
Maybe people will judge me for being so pessimistic in this time of festive season.

But my advice is, come and be in my place, see how can you handle them. People just love to judge, but they dont even know a thing. Its so unlike me to  blog or tweets my feeling, but for now twitter is safe fo r me as its very private account of mine and I approve only people I really want. And my blog, theres not much people knowing it existence. So if I really need shout out I'll do it here, so read it at your own willingness and judge all you want.