last day of april!

well i m supposed to be studying now but then here i am updating my blog.
bad girl. bad girl am i..
tomorrow, im going to have my

MARKETING paper, which will be one of killer paper!

and on 2nd may im coming back to shah alam, but seriously, im not looking fowards at all to go back this semester break,
i just feel that i want to be here in penang.
it the same anyaway, in my house here alone , and at home there alone.
there no different at all..
there not really a purporsed there, so i dont know why.
and im so feelingless to go home.

but anyway, i hope i can do well. i have no idea whats wrong with me now..
i dont want to make other things disturbing my focus right now.
mood study datanglaa please,
tinggal nak baca je ni!
i really need to focus this last minute!

i will off now and try to read my notes. so guys pray for me tomrrow really need it :) tq.

GONATS FOCUS PLEASE!

weird right, when we stress and bored we will do ANYTHING!

ASSALAMUALAIKUM..

(sbnrnye since just now ive been stalking people blog cause damn bored. then i found this test so out of sudden just nak answer test ni and post.. korang layan la kegilaan aku ni yeh) [peace out guys]




1) nama-nama pelik yang orang lain pernah panggil kau?

- gonats

- sayur

- chubby

- nutsiest girl

- congga longga

- comot

- nadoya



2) pernah merantau ke?

- wait is this count?
-  i do when i camping : langkawi for 7 days
- celebrating mr stitch birthday at terengganu
- and staying at penang nw almost a year


3) keturunan?

- emak; malbari + mamak + arab etc, (im nt so sure hw many more tsk)
- abah; malay, melaka malay


4) hobi kau?

- cooking

- reading

- jogging

- dating (hehe)

- almost everything with ing~~ hikhik



5) peel makanan kau?

- i dont eat rice! (i mean like everyday okeyh)
- i need vegetable everyday!

- love only healthy food (im very health concious)
- i hate fast food

- kena ada pedas



6) kau rasa kau pelik tak?

kalau tak kenal aku pun kau mesti cakap dia ni asal gila sangat.. hahaha, yesh i am weird laaahh.. im a very crazy and a very weirdo! even orang yang da kenal aku bertahun pun atleast once in a while soalan 'nad ko ni asal pelik sangat' haha takkan penah miss seyh, so yes IM A WEIRDO.. =D



7) kenapa kau jawab soalan boring ni?

sebab aku tengah boring, really bored!



8) kau nak tag sapa2 tak?

taknak, really no thanks, tak nak diorang terjebak cam aku..



9) kau ni jiwang tak?

bole la kadang aku LAYANNNN je.. bt mostly seganas2 aku romantic itu perlu kan?



10) kau suka masak tak? masakan kegemaran?

duh.. like eversince LOL.. sekarang pun aku ambil course culinary arts so buat ape lagi kalu tak brush up my cooking skill kan..  i love to cook western food, especially saladss!



11) perangai pelik kau?

- aku diam bila aku marah

- aku menangis bila aku nak release stress

- aku suka sangat makan tauhu dengan sos

- nasi bukan makanan ruji aku, its sayur! hee

- aku akan bwat keje gile yang bulew bagi aku adrenaline rush bila aku tak dapat control diri aku

- aku suka duduk dalam gelap sebab its calm me down

- aku suka panjat and jerit-jerit bila aku hyperactive tak kisah kat mana2

- kalau weekend or cuti, aku malas mandi, malas makan, malas keluar rumah sebab aku rasa tak penting pun semu tuhh.

12) dah berapa kali couple?sekarang single?

well, to be truth i hate to be in a relationship when tak serious laa..
tapi i still does haha. so the truth is bru dua kali je sepanjang 19 tahun ni hidup. and now still with my sayang la..



13) cepatlah jawab soalan atas tadi.
- da jawab da pown, pss sengal laa.



14) kau nak melancong ke mana?

- Australia

- German (nak jumpa AXEL!)

- Paris (Nak improve my cooking skill and used my french yg da blaja ckit2)

- New Zealand (nak visit bukit2 kt sana and skiing!)

- London (tu kota2 yg lawa kat sana tu)

- and kat mana2 yang ad DISNEY LAND teringin sangat2! (klu bole honey moon skli :p)



15) boring tak test ni?

tak la, cause aku pun tengah boring!



16) haiwan yang pernah kau pelihara?

- ikan arowana

- ikan laga
- ikan emas hitam

- ikan flowerhorn



17) kau rasa kau hebat tak malam pertama nanti?

weyh ! apakah? kau boring sangat eyh sampai tanya soalan cmni?



18) kau rasa kau hot?

kata pown sekarang aku stay penang? ko rasa penang ni cmne? of course la, Im freaking HOT here!



19) happy tak test dah nak habis?

tak la sangat, cause aku tengah boring ni, rasa cam nak layan jew.. huhu



20) listkan 10 nama-nama orang yang paling kau sayang selain keluarga.

1) Zai Zeffery

2) Kathleen Fernandez

3) Suhaku

4) Wardah Sakinah

5) Coconut

6) Axel

7) Afiq

8) Kimi

9) Fae

10) Housemate akuh!

bwat masa ni, nama diorang la terpahat di sanubari.. ramai lagi laa but mereka2 ini la yang teman saat suka duka aku sentiasa.. thnx guys :)

FINAL!

can i make it this sem?
hmm, like seriously, i have no FREAKING idea.

so here it goes, yesterday was my first test, and i did bad with my ctu (agama) essay.
its not that i didnt read, well i did study for my test, yes i did, i dont know what went wrong.
so now im upset with my self..

i really want to score again, and i want to score much better pointer for this sem, but can i make it?
i really dont know..
im kinda different this sem, its like my spirit went missing, it comes and goes like wind..
problems sometime just keep coming,
and i seems cant find a way to avoid it..

i need you now ---------> ZAI ZEFFERY B ZAINUDIN

well anyway, i do miss him,
but the important thing now is.............................

nats do your best!!
i need to get DL again, if not i will be totally made my mom feel i dissapointed her and.....
i will embrassed with him and myself!
i probably will avoid seeing you zai if i didnt get DL this sem, cause i do feel inferior,as you are the genius one..
so GONATS, pray for me guys..
i want to be able meeting him without feeling damn DOWN!

GONATS!

p/s: i got 3 paper left ( BEL, MARKETING, FOOD SCIENCE)



people that change me and meant alot to me :)

 Last few days is the days where i met lots of hardship and stress but suddenly something came up to my mind as i was sitting alone trying to ease my tense in the bus on the way home to shah alam yeterday..
That eventhough i might be alone in my class and sometime at home..

But i forget that i do have a few people that really meant alot and are always there/ were there for me each time i fall down or need help..

So i just want expressed to them how grateful i am to have them by my side..

1. KATHLEEN FERNANDEZ (MY LOVE)

Oh dear, i love her so much! we are friends since kindergarten. so im proud to say our friendship are more then a decade now :) its still strong till now even we so far apart. even if we lost contact for so long, but once we have the chance to talk again it wouldnt be akward. this is because we so comfortable and understand each other so much. we have been through a lot, and that what have made our bond so strong. i wish our dream for staying together one day will come true :)

2. NASUHA SUBOH & 3. AMIRA [speky] ( MY KMPK BESTIES)

We've meet and we know for only about a month in matriculation in perak @ KMPK.  I do miss them alot. for suha, she think me as her pulse (nadi) as she called me ' nadiku'. Its so sweet! And till now she still called me that.  and my lovely mirae is my friend that very very manja with me.. in matrix i do wash& iron their cloth, make for them breakfast, stay up with them every night and many more. For some people they think both of them are bullying me but for me i dont mind spoiling them with my love.. u know y? cause they never looked down to me, always there to take care of me when i am really sick and most important they never be hipocrit towards me.  they are truly my best mates that i really miss so badly right now!

4. TORIQ   5.AFIQ    6. ARIMI    7. ZAI  ( my 1 year older seniorss xD)

'''''TORIQ

Hmm.. this person.. he is the only person i really love to see with songkok. Its really make me feel calm.. He knows that. This person is someone that really give impact in my life. He always will.. He knows too much about me. He understand my situation with my family. He knows well about my sickness. And his the one who i always seek when i need to cry.. But now if i really need to cry i will swallowed it down cause i no he will never be there ever for me again.. He changes me alot without he realising it..   .

I can share with other people my personal sometime but its not the same when with him. He really know how to wipe my tears away.But there things happen that now he gone in my life without i want it.  But things do happen,  thanks anyway Toriq Aziz b Salim, u meant so much to me.

''''''AFIQ

Given name is Muhammad Afiq Firdaus. He actually is my emeny.. opps i mean enemy. I hate him so much when i in high school. But now he is already like my brother . He is the one who will advice me, help me and do care about me like, ALOT!. He hate to see anyone bullying me and he will always try his best to calm me down whenever im in stress.. thnx afiq, i glad we are friend now!

'''''''ARIMI

He's the annoying monkey! He loves to make me annoyed and at time i feel like want to stab him to death, well i dont ussually do that to people. haha. Just that arimi the one who know me well like kathy, teyn and toriq. he know me when i about to burst to tears, laugh or anger. He is loud, extremly open and who my mom trust the most.. Last time it was me, kathy, kimi, teyn and toriq always together spending our weekend or holiday. its all about us. huhu.. KIMI BILA NAK JUMPA NI, RINDU!

'''' ZAI ZEFFERY

This particular person is the one who always take me out or to accompany me anywhere when im come back to shah alam, who always call me to cheer me up, and the nicest guys ever! He will never hurt me, or condemn me for who i am, and he accept me for ME, and for that im really thankful of knowing him and having him standing with me is a blessed! He always making me smile and always make jokes so im not sad or bored or anything, cause he always there to make me happy. i count on you!

8. ATIYAH NAJIHAH   

9.  FAEZAH SUHAIMI ( MY only UITM GURLS)

---TYAH

She is my coconut!..  She is the coco and im the nuts. We are so crazy when we are together. Seriously i mean gila tahap gaban. We met during orientation time in UITM. Since then we become inseparable. All thing we do together. But now as we are in different class we only got to meet like once a month or only when accidentaly bump into each other. But in whichever condition we met, the atmosphere will change to MADLY INSANE! seriously there is one moment when she so excited i saw me jus come out from the lift, she strangled me and kiss me cause so happy.. (0.0)  i like WTH, so shock with her action but what to do as i said we are crazy. ;P SHE IS MY COCONUT  FOREVER.

---FAEZAH

Fae.. fae.. okengss.. Her accompaniment is truly the best! We can just call each other once in a blue moon and talk! She is a electrical student so it even harder for me to see her compare to tyah..

But when we spent time together.

It always be fun and awesome! We can always give and take, and coperate which each other. We always advice and be true with each other. That the best things of all, there are no boundaries between us to share antyhing, cause there is no lies in our way. SAYA SAYANG KAMOO!

10. FATIN NABILA BT HAMSAN
11. WARDAH SAKINAH BT RIDZWAN

===TEYN

She know me well, cause she like my sister. I know most of her secret as she also know about mine. We are each other secret keeper. And any of us feel like crying either she called me or i call her. Cause its feel save :)

====WARDAH

My dear girlfreind she is! She is sweet, and she is my best friend  since secondary school standard 3 untill now. We still contacting sometimes and hang out with each other to ketchup what we been missed out. Comparing to the others from secondary friends only i and her still cntect and do bear with each other business. I always care about her till now. I just miss spending time with her. We only met each other like once a year sometimes.  SO DEAR, IM STILL DO REMEMBER YOU ALWAYS!


12. AXEL SCHILLER

He's my dear shunshine. And with him i can be as crazy as i might be. Cause im the nutsiest person he ever met. And he the shunshine as i love his smile. i miss him, cause his back in germany now! Last time when he was a transfer student in our school, he and kathy are the only person who could stand my madness ;P
but now all we could do are message through facebook, but its feel like his beside me, cause when i write to him, it seems like i couldnot stop, it the same when i talking and become crazy when his around. he jus the same old A PONYFICATION AXEL! GONATS! AXELL, SAYA RINDU KAMOO AMAT. KEMBALI LA KE MALAYSIA!

13. AHMAD HASIF B MAHAT

SIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINNNNNNNNNNNNNN CHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAANN! ngee.

 I know him when we are in silat tem as we went for the tournament together.  Thats when we start to know each other better. He from my view is a extremly kind and caring person towards everyone.

and for me He also is my SAVIOUR! Thank you, he is the one that pick me up from clasess at night. If he not there im think im dead meat! i dont know why,

 i just trust him, that y i told my mom, about him picking me up.. haha

 He also do advice me to stop stressing my self out and always ask me to take care of my health :)

 i always disturb him with my crazy message and pity him for that.

so dear nadiah syahirah bt md shah!.  

stop being misrable, be strong again. okeyh!

biaq pi orang nak cakap ape.

DONT STRESS UP! WAKEUP NATS!

there long way to go.

a journey of a thousand miles do need a strong step for beginning.

 dont mess it up la sayang!

dear all my friends, please remind me about this, and to all mention above u r always in my mind and my heart,
 i appriciate you guys very much!n all ur kindness will remain in my heart forever and will never fade!

heartless..

Subahannallah, dugaan mu sungguh berat untuk aku minggu ni ya allah ya tuhanku..
sungguh, tidak terdaya lagi tubuh ni nak menghadapi nya..
bukan aku nak mengeluh atau mempersoalkan ujian tuhan, cuma aku pun selemah-lemah manusia.
aku ingat settle satu hal, da tapi semakin banyak yang jatuh menghenyakkan diri ini untuk rasa sungguh tertekan..
Lepas hal kelmarin yang jadi, sunnguh aku masih sabar, orang bully aku tak mengerti ape masalh aku aku masih sabar, cuma hari ini biarlah aku mengeluh, biarlah aku menangis, sungguh aku penat..
hari ini memang aku tak dapat nak terima hinaan orang, cukup la kawan-kawan,
kamu ingat senang ke aku untuk dapat anugerah dekan tu?
ingat aku goyang kaki ke? kenapa korang asyik cakap aku macam-macam? ape yang aku buat kat korang.
kenapa korang nak malukan aku wahai kawan..
walau aku x de duit sekarang, satu sen pn aku x minta kat korang, masalah aku tak cerita pun.
ape lagi yang korang nak?

aku cuba selesaikan kerja aku, urusan aku yang mak aku suro.
sebab aku tau dia perlukan duit tu.
sungguh kalu sekarang keadaan mengizinkan aku da berhenti belajar da, tolong mak aku cari duit macam dulu.
tapi tanggungjawab aku terhadap pelajaran lebih penting buat masa ini.
tapi tadi sekali lagi dugaan tuhan berat melemah kan urat saraf kepala otak aku ni..
hmm. aku jumpa PA untuk surat tu, tpi dia suro aku taip sendiri cause dia x de masa, aku pun g la kelas, pinjam lat top member dengan muka tebal cause terdesak sangat, aku tau aku x rapat langsung dgn diorang tapi keadaan memaksa.
aku buat surat tu, da siap akhirnya, lega ckit.
tpi rupa nya kelegaan itu hanya semntara, sebab aku x sempat nk copy pun surat tu.
cause kwan aku semu sibuk nak ambl movie dri lat top tu, aku nk ambl document yg hany mgmbil bebrapa saat itu tak dlayan. last2 lat top tu mati sebab bateri abis..
perasaan aku, usaha aku nak tolong mak aku musnah macam tu je..
berat kepala aku saat tu, air mata da bergenang kat tubir mata, aku tak tau nak buat ape.
nak pinjam lat top lgi srg nk type surat tu blek, member aku srg ni nk transfer movie, ape la yg bole aku buat, terduduk aku kt kerusi kelas tu menahan tangisan. sungguh perasaan aku terdera ketika ni. aku penat sangat..
lepas tu aku pn kuar kelas nak blek, aku tggl 30 min je sebelum PA aku blek.
satu lagi dugaan, bus penuh, nk tunggu lgi 20-25 min bru ada bus..
kwn aku x bole nk ambl aku.  hmmmmm..
ape lagi yang bole aku bwat, keputusan aku yang terpaksa ambil, jalan kaki dari perda ke rumah ( jarak dia cm dri giant ke rumah aku) dengan panas tengahari tadi, tak sempat nk jamah ape2, masa yang sangat suntuk, aku terus berjalan.
sepanjang perjalanan aku, memang air mata aku x berhenti2 menitis, aku penat sangat masa tu, rasa macam nk menjerit je sebab terlalu tension.
tpi memang bnyk kali aku istighfar fikir ada lgi org lgi susah dri aku supaya aku x terlalu emotional.
hmm lps 20 min aku pn sampi rumah dgn keadaan berpeluh2.
trus msuk bilik buka lat top, type surat blek..
x smepat nak minum air ape2, trus gerak ke uitm dgn jalan kaki lagi..
sampai dpn pintu bilik PA aku pukul 12.35, ketuk nye ktuk,
rupanya PA aku da blek, tak tunggu aku ataupun angkat call aku, msg aku pn dia reply dari tdi.
rupanya sangkaan aku PA aku mesti da x de betul..
memang terduduk aku kt tangga belakang hotel tu.
kaki aku da mengigil2 menahan penat, badan aku yg berpeluh, kepala aku yang da migrain sangat ni, sungguh betapa kecil nyer rasa diriku sekarang.
usaha aku semua berkecai macam tu je..

aku x berdaya da saat tu. ape yang aku nak buat sekarang is balik and nangis puas2.
aku x dpt tolong mak aku, tu da ckup buat aku tension.
dgn x de duit kt tgn, hinaan yang orang asyik lempar kat aku,
aku da tak tahan sangat..
aku sangat kecewa dengan semua yang terjadi..

hmmpH..

aslm..
well for all u knew i jus came back from jetty awhile ago..
that was crazy thing to do. yes it is!
cause jetty is far frm uitm n frm my house.
but then i just need to release the mountain of stress.
im so stress right now, thus i need air rush.
 ussually at home i will cycle my bicycle so fast that the cold air and the speed will calm me down.
i need the adrenaline rush to make me calm.
so just now, my friend asif pick me up from my class at 9.30 pm, and i follow him to jetty.
well, he drive the bike fast and its raining. its jus feel great!
i jus sit behind him and enjoy the EXTREMLY COLD AIR + the SPEED.
everytime the cold air brush my face and the speed of the motorbike hit my adrenaline rush, i feel so calm.
my heart ryhtm just fall back and i really enjoyed this feeling. if only possible i wish i can sleep all away the journey.
now my head feel a bit lightter..
it does work, now even i feel no mood to sleep, eat or talk to anyone, but atleast i do feel a bit calm.
thanks you my dear friend AHMAD HASIF B MAHAT @ Shinchan

updated for 2011..

assalamualaikum guys..
hallo..
sorry for the long long long time taken to update this blog..
im kind off in mood too blog last few month, and also very busy.
okeyh, i finish my silat tournament ( well not winning anything, but i do gain so much experience)
then i started working in fridays again which was fun, because i miss FRIDAY's so much, and secondly i get to met my beloved BFF there, Kathleen Fernandez ( ily cat), and  also not forgetten i got to know the most awsome persons, which is my General Manager, MELWYN  @ bosbos, and most craziest person CHRIST crazychris @ cc, which is my kitchen manager. They are so nice and they can be my manager, my friend and also my brother.
oh how much i miss them now.......

okeyh lets move on now..
so as now im living in my rumah sewa, so i have to wake up supper earlier than ussual to go for my classes.
my housing area is very kampung like, its like bukit lanchong area near to my house. but more more kampung like here. so every morning i will hear the azan suboh, and the chicken, the birs and all other sounds of animal.. very2 different from my real life before. its also very cold early in the morning.. :) fresh air!
it is nice and different, well in shah alam i live in housing area that are city like
but now i have to adapt this style of living. im quiete surpirse of my self, that i can adapt the toilet, the room and all the hardship i have to go through here.
sometimes its also hard, as most of my friend rent flat, apartment, 3 story house and other better houses than me.. and they all got the transport, but for me, i need to walk or travel by bus..

BUT you know what, yesterday i got this some kind of strenght. from where?
let me tell you..
hmmmm, ok, im go for my food in science class, where in this subject i need to learn all about food, and their structure, component and so on, well most of it about biology and chemistry~! ya it sound hard.
but what makes is easy is, MR HIDAYAT.
yesterday, he  makes me gain my strenght back! THANKS MY DEAR LECTERUR!
he was so LOUD, EXTREMLY EXTRA EXTRA FUNNY, UNPREDICTABLE, VERY MOTIVATING , and YET HE,S A DISCIPLINE FREAK!
So maybe i just knew him for a short 2 hours in class, but first impression is a good start isn it?
he makes me laugh and laugh and makes all my cheeks muscle works extra miles last night. hahahaha

well as ive been telling u he makes me realised i need to be strong,  no matter what!
all his talking motivated me alot, so from now on i need to smile and move on.. :)
also , as he remind me,
IF YOU NEVER FAILED, YOU NEVER LEARNED.
 i failed once, and i dont want to repeat it again. As now, i need to begin with a strong and determine step to go for thousand miles ahead. because i have my dream, and i have to protect it.!
here also the video clip he show me last night, so i hope who ever see this video will have the blow of spirit like i had.

 last word from me, dun forget to smile and pray.
till we meet again, assalamualaikum.