Happiness Lingers Around.

Hahahaha :D
Yup, today i just feel so HAPPY :)

Well, its been 2 month since I got to meet you, Sayang.
And atlast, I did. Besides, we had a very good time together after sooooooooooo LOOOOONG, right?

Today, I had my break-fasting, at my boyfriend favourite place, called RAKUZEN.
 Its been, last two years since we had this chance to break fast together, and to do this again? Seriously, of cause Im excited like a KID.
Whateva you called me tadi, Im fine with it la Sayang. Hahaha, cause im just extremly ESTATIC!
Its a new place for me though, cause usually, I'll eat somewhere else for Japanese food.
So its kinda a new experience, the ambience it not bad, its cool in a way, but I miss the enviroment in Grand Dorsett, Japanese Restaurant. Its had awesome ambience, and I do miss my Japanese Chef.

Anyway, we both had great fun and IM SO HAPPY.
Well, we've been so much through hard times lately, and Im just so happy when we can just put all those behind and still enjoying every moment we can spend with each other. BELIVE ME, its not even easy to see him. So, of cause I MISS HIM TERRIBLY!
Just to get spend time with him today is such a bless, Praise to Allah, cause gives us this chance.
Thanks, to you as well, cause tried you really best to make my wish come true. :)
ILOVEYOU.

Im so thankful, yet still feel guilty that he had to lie just to see me.
I hate that when he need to do this over and over again. I will just keep praying, until the day when we can just stop this hide and seek. I want our relationship to be bless, so I will wait until the day we can get the 'green light' okay.
Till then, we just had to stay strong like we always did.
And do wait for me, I'll try my real BEST to get a good pointer  or atleast maintain it this semester and for my upcoming semester which be my last. Its not easy though as this semester, is really I mean REALLY TOUGH. all the hardest subject they put in this semester, and yhe workloads, oh gosh,
IM EXHAUSTED. Nevertheless I will try okay,  and if Allah Willing, I will try to get the pointer your mom ask me too. Im not sure wether I can or I cant. But damn sure, I'll work my ass out.
So, if everything turn out good, as you wish I will be near to you, as you always wanted and so do I.
So, keep praying that my degree will be in UiTM Shah Alam.  Amin.

Assalamualaikum, peeps.

Me and You Against The World. <3 br="br">

this is my song.. now.

keep my eyes eyes open.

KEEP YOUR EYES OPEN.

Assalamualaikum. w.b.t

Salam Ramadhan even its kinda of late for me to wish to you guys.

Well Im back in Penang now, ==' sigh.
Its harder for me to go through each day here this semester. Much more harder than i expected.
Im still survivng though, just most of the time i feel like giving up.
Its just to dark and lonely here for me.
And so many test has been given to me by HIM.
Monetarily, Accident, Hurt, Stress, Sickness that never ends, harder subject to study this semester, and as well my relationship sometimes seems being hit by hard waves few times.

I almost giving up, and just want to give in and just drown with the waves cause Im so tired swimming. Its consumed my strength alot. But, I know I cant. I need to move on.

Hmm, so here I am, still standing strong. Im 20 now, just a couple days older, it didnt start well at all.
Im being bashed on my birthday by the persons who I loved and Adore soo much, so bad, till I cried ALOT that day. As I said earlier, its a bad start for me. I hope, it didnt turn out that way. I wish thing had been better, but I also know thing happened. And like you say Sayang, 'Things happened for a reason' I know. Its hurt and sting me alot, but I already forgive you, and I dont want to fight anymore. Im so exhausted for now. All I need a little bit of happiness, and loved just to move on my life over here. Not much I asked from you. Your words even, its not been forgotten 100% but I never had hold grudge to you and already forgive you from the start. I know part of it, there also my fault.

Besides all that happen, there my saviour, saving me from all this HELL. Thank You, to my dearest, BFF, KATHLEEN FERNANDEZ, to post your self to me, as my birthday present. Only your presence that day, make me sane enough to not do something out of my mind. Thanks for giving me the reason Im still stnading strong till now. I love you, and I love our Friendship so much. Its been, 15 YEARS of OUR FRIENDSHIP, and it still strong as ever. :")


Through all the thick and thin i have been through, theres this few persons that never give up on me, and always listen to all bullshit from me, cheer me up, and love me for WHO I AM. And for that, this shout out are for you!! THANK YOU GUYS, AND I LOVE YOU SOO MUCHHHH!!! <3 p="p">
1. Kathleen Fernandez
2. Zai Zeffery B Zainudin
3. Nasuha Suboh
4. Wardah Sakinah Bt Ridzwan
5. Muhammad Afiq

A song for myself now..

Life is hard, I just had to move on. I need to be strong again.. I need to go away from the pain.. I dont want it to get to me again cause it hurt bad. I just want to go away..  Anywhere I'll go, my heart still bleeding inside. I wish someone could understand. But for now, i just want to prepare to Breakaway again like I used to. I need to go, cause its hurting me alot. And i dont belong here.. Pokerfacing will be my best speciality again..

BREAKAWAY.

Trying hard to reach out
But when I tried to speak out
Felt like no one could hear me
Wanted to belong here
But something felt so wrong here
So I'd pray
I could break away

I'll spread my wings and I'll learn how to fly.
I'll do what it takes till I touch the sky.
Make a wish, take a chance,
Make a change, and break away.
Out of the darkness and into the sun.
But I won't forget all the ones that I love.
I'll take a risk, take a chance,
Make a change, and break away

if only things are like what it used to be.....

Everyday when im being alone especially at night, or at time like this, i meant when im just with my self alone i will missing u terribly.
I miss the time when i can just without fear, calling you or atleast message you.
I want to say that I miss you, I love you, Can i call you, I need You, like i used to without fear..
I miss when you just simply call me for just burning my time, and maybe company me when im feeling down and lonely at night. And im sure im going to miss you alot when im in Penang in two more weeks, where im going to be lonely and everyday alone by my self with totally differrent world to live.
Im, my self really are not ready to go Penang yet for now, with our condition. I just hope im strong enough to go through these there even if that mean, i have to be strong and go through whatever going to happen there without you. As early as the morning just started now, again the tears falling are because I MISS US very much Sayang, I really do..

*sigh*

assalamualaikum..

One of my friend telling me too,
 ' just kering kan ur heart, and dont expect for anything, or you would be hurt'

Well, its not easy for me, after i had been mend my heart for years.
 And yet again now i have to do it again after for once i thought it going to be ok..

I really dont know what to do. It feel hard, indeed it does.

I feel like i just dont want to go through this again, cause, i aint strong no more.

Sometimes the thought of living alone always re-appear in my mind.
Either way i had always been independent,  money wise and decision making wise.
Rarely there is occasion where I discuss it with my parents. Its been always me being independent.

Hmm, i feel thorn. Cause it not easy to pretend im happy when i am not.

Again its hard, when you decide to be alone, and there is time when you know no matter what you will find for the one person who can make you feel okay again.

I need you dear, but i cant.
I miss you, but i cant.

And  I really tired of all the drama. I just need a normal life.

I am tired..

And The Hardest Thing........

assalamualaikum..

Hi peeps..
been a long time i since my last post right?

haih, it seems, 2012 starting to be a really tough tough start for me..
there's been a lot test given from HIM to me, my family and my realtionship with people..

My Final in Penang turn out to be pretty bad, and its dissapointed me and make me fall down on my knee for quiete some time. I avoid all calls and messages from people after what happen. At first i am very frustrated and embarassed and scared with the result later. Deep inside, i am really pissed because of other people fault and other people incosideration had put me in this mess..
Until now, it still been a nightmare for me.. Ive tried to maintain my pointer and still trying to achive my target, but after what had happened.. Im unsure :(
Im sad because of this..
I still thinking about it, but then it is actually a lesson for me, cause i cant expect people to change. They sometimes just who they are, and we cant change that even if we want it bad.
Its just a mistake to expect people change for good, and it cost me BIG.

LESSON HERE :  -

 People not going to change if themselves dont want too

I have put my trust on the right person from now on.

Most of all, I must not to rely on others.

Then, after that, the TEST for my family.. Its STRUCK just out of nowhere. My dad, get a mild strock again. And our family, kind of unprepared..
As we are trying to be stable Monetarily suddenly it seems, we just had to forget it.
I thought of having a more smooth semester next Sem seem is not going to be that easy, after i have to quit my part time job unexpetedly and start to take care of my family for now..
 My family is struggling, and now I am not that strong as i had been before..
Well I know, my mom trying so hard, but also i know, she cant do alone, and she cant support everyone of us in the family, me and my sister all along had tried to support our self all this while.
I am just tired, thats all..
My sister is so far apart and just wish she was here, so i can actually rely on someone..
hmm, i wish everything going to be ok soon. I hope i still can find the money before next semester started so that i wont be so stress out, and worried.

Last but not least my relationship with others.. I mean.. hmmmmmmmmmmm.. this one is hard. Cause i had enough problem on my own. and i do not need anymore from others.
So it up to all of you. You want to care about me, thanks, you want to keep your life happy and safe without me. Fine, go ahead.
Well, im hurt, i know you guys are so busy and all, but sometime a message, call or just come and visit me sometime, is not going to cost that much isn't.
When you guys just keep saying you were busy, and yet i see you hanging out with other people and that shows how much time you had, if you just care about me just a bit..
I just need some strenght if that was too much to ask..
I know, i sound childish, but yet im hurt..

Special thanks, to Afiq, cause you have been great, to me. Even we are far, an i know u really busy, and even, its me who really hard to answer your message or call, you have always been there no matter what. You never ditch me, I'll really appriciated it.

And to you, Zai, i know its always been hard for us, but then you as well tried so hard.. I know. Just i prayed i hope things going to be much easier for us if can...
LOL. Thank for making me smile, even if its not going to br everyday. but of you helped me in different ways.